Tale of the Monster Bong

The Tale of The Monster Bong

Let me tell you a little story. Yes, that's right, gather around, kiddies!

One day a young lad named Rizzo and his friends, we'll call them Lancelot and Gruffington, went on a magical quest. Now, this quest didn't have any particular meaning or reward, but nonetheless, it was a quest. What was the quest, you say? Why, to destroy the Monster Bong!

But to do that, they first had to create the Monster. None of them alone could make the Monster, only with their powers combined could they birth the beast. Rizzo was a powerful wizard who could think up clever theories and such. Lancelot was a skilled craftsman, and could fashion Rizzo's dreams into a tangible reality. And Gruffington was really fat and farted, for he was not needed in the creation, his time was in the destruction.

First they took a bottle of Gator juice, poured it out, and made four holes: one at the top, one at the bottom, and two at the sides. They then stuck dragon wings in the two holes, to give additional powers of flight and suction. At the bottom they placed the main weapon of the monster: The Blazing Sword! When activated with heat, The Blazing Sword can turn the mightiest of men into the most docile of kittens, truly something to be feared. But that was not all! Then a bottle of holy water was placed upside down onto the top of the Gator juice bottle, and the top(or rather, the bottom) of the bottle was cut off, and the two were stuck together!

An artist’s rendition of the fearsome Beast was painted some many years later, in remembrance:

Lo, and the beast was born. And its eyes glowed red as its sword did, and the cave in which it dwelled was consumed with a hazy smoke. Two of our heroes would try attacking the wings at once, while another attacked from the top, but this quickly tired them and they had to change positions often. And the smoke did overcome them, and kittens they became. The sword of the Monster pierced straight to their hearts and all seemed lost for our heroes.

The power of the sword could not last forever, though, and as it died out the Monster let out a piercing wail, and a red hot streak flew through the sword and into the belly of the Damned Beast. The Beast was dead, and soon its power of our heroes waned. Then Rizzo, Lancelot, and Gruffington were no longer kittens, they were heroes immortalized in the tale of the Monster Bong. They had created the ultimate evil, and then destroyed it. But they did not come out completely unscathed, for as they walked off into oblivion they left with the world one last piece of advice:

“Be wary ye who gaze into the Bong, for when you gaze into, the Bong gazes into you…”