On Methamphetamine

From a post of mine on &totse:

I do, or maybe I don't, how can I know? Do you know where you're going with this? Maybe I'll try.

Bad shit happens. We don't like bad shit. We don't want other people to have bad shit happen, because we don't want bad shit to happen. Is this because other people going through badshit affects us badly or because we're all one being? Either way its irrelevant as you'll get the same ending - bad shit unless you take a good shit. And let me tell you, there is a big difference between a good shit and a bad shit. A good shit is orgasmic and blissfull and better than any drug or any sex. A bad shit is worse than any overdose or withdrawal or bad trip ever.

And meth will make you shit. Oh will it make you shit. It will make you shit a lot. The more you shit, the lower the quality of your shit. Quality and quantity are part of a magnet, or maybe they are a magnet or have nothing to do with magnetism whatsoever. The point is, they're different, but only at our level of perception. There are no good or bad trips.

So in summary, there is no summary and there is no point, but watch what you eat and what you shit and always wipe your ass. You don't want to sit in your own shit.

Of Play

To play is to learn life: to live life you must play. Dull is that which moves little; nothing is that which moves not at all. Up and down, look at the colors - my how we all shine under the sun. We play by day and by night we sleep. We sleep and we dream; we dream of the life that we've learned to play.

Ever the circle and never the square, moving around and around. Never stopping, always turning. The minute we stop is the second we die. When one falls we all fall until the wind blows us away. Ask not for whom Rover calls for; he calls for thee.

The Laughter of a Thousand Dying Souls

A laughing man once fell dying to his knees
He screamed and he cried, he begged and asked, "please?"
"Please, let me live!" - then no more, no cough or wheeze
I stood and I laughed, "More whine with your cheese?"

Through cruel eyes the world is a hell
To live or love, it's always just as well
Broken by the years, nothing more than a shell
On such dark things the beast will dwell

A thousand dying souls consumed by hunger, thirst, and winter
One pour soul stands and yells, "Carpe diem!" only to disapear in a haze
To become one with all, then to break off and splinter
She asked the question and he answered back, "Learn to love these trying days"

Dreams of Hell and Freedom

Strange dreams, strange dreams of men and of war. Of fright and of adversaries stalking through the night. Strange enemies that bring death and gloom, fires burning a home. In such dreams I dwell, and as I dwell the passage to the portal of Hell pulses and it grows. Sickly green odors sludge from the bowels of Pain, dripping acidic horror to wherever evil resides. I sit and smile as the clock winds down, winds backwards, and eventually breaks down. So too must I wind down and break my back, backwards.

In such lives we live, in such dreams we die. Then we are bon, reborn, dismantled, assembled, and repaired to perfect condition. The condition being, of course, that we don't fuck up. As such, here I am once more: fucked up, drugged up, brought down and feeling down, with my head in the skies and my heart buried for dead. It still pumps power through my veins, and the murderer will hear the sentence; justice will be served as one portion per day. No cholesterol, no artificial sweeteners, colored dyes, or preservatives. No, sir, this is the real god damn thing, here!

Don't talk back, for I am superior, inferior, both, neither, nothing at all, and owing much to quantum consciousness. Dare you heed my stories? Only at the cost of being liberated! Heed my warnings: free your mind.

The Leash of Existence

The proces through which thought becomes action is a curious one. Which of us controls it: the concious or the subconcious? The trying or the doing? What is the force that causes us to move? That moves us to do?

Although logic sometimes leads us to believe that the idea of free will is naught but a fallacy, it is quite apparent that it is a truth. If there were no free will, there would be no need for leashes. In fact, it is the leash itself that is a fallacy. How do we justify the use of leashes? We are superior, and we are right! However, if we really were superior, we would not need leashes. The shepherd knows what is best for his sheep dog, and he treats him as a compaion, as an equal.

He that knows best for himself, knows best for another - and treats another as he would himself. Indeed, any that would act your better is really your lesser; for we are all but equal to eachother. We who are of the same flesh are of the same blood. We know who we are, and those that know, are. If there is to be, there is to be nothing at all. There is no question,

Existence is futile.

I Am Man

If one were to sit down on a day of no particular interest and count the number of human faces that populated the television screen, it would take little longer than the time it takes to count your fingers and your toes. This is especially true of the so-called “News Stations”; these talking heads are not only spineless and self-serving, but also heartless and unnerving. To call them brainless would be a lie, for they know better than most the tools required to swindle you out of your money, your opinions, your free-will, your dignity, your values, and your life.

At first glance, one would assume that the end of the world is at hand and that everyone is insane or out to murder you. This may be true, but it is nothing newsworthy as this has been the state of affairs for thousands of years. One could look back to Sumerian stone tablets and read the cuneiform script; only to become engrossed in tales of ancient leaders engaging in taboo sex acts, or of large towers scraping the sky and eventually falling to the ground under the oppressive weight of their own corruption. It seems as if all news stories lead back to the gates of Hell.

After getting sucked into the shiny graphics and mindlessly repeating logos, the eyes begin to glaze over and the brain becomes ripe for the molding. The overall frequency of the mind turns to such state that is very open to suggestions, especially those of a subtle or subliminal persuasion. Feelings of nationalism and brand loyalty are fostered into petty tribalism, turning one man against another and profiting off of it. That’s been the game all along; die for your country, for your team, for your politics, your religion, for the shirt you wear. Gang symbols and the symbolism of exploitation litter our screens, roadways, and anything they can get their grimy little hands on. Those disgusting hands, dirty with the blood and sludge of a billion dead and more on their way. A legacy popularized by the era of the Egyptians; human life means little next to phallus-domination and sun worship.

Is this the message we are sending to the next generation? That we are not human? It is time to stand up and have yourself counted, are you a man or are you a beast? Is this the face of humanity, or the face of carnal, animalistic filth and destruction? The time has come for each and everyone to look inside of ourselves and realize that qualities that set us apart from animals, the pieces of us that set us apart from the machines, as well.

Cold and callous, unthinking and voracious, it is time to smash the machine and chain the beast.

I am man.

Madness - A Product of Insomnia and a Vaporizer

There is no end to the madness, the bottom has fallen out and revealed itself for the true nature it holds within itself. The sinless nature of knowing nothing has been shown for the true representation of itself; ignorance is not bliss. Ignorance knows nothing of bliss, ignorance knows no suffering, but knows no bliss. The frightful will be over taken by the frightless – not by force, or even choice, but rather process of elimination.

A gentle madness creeps over my vapors, crawls into my brain and slithers through my waves. The vibrations feed off of each other, a symbiotic relationship between the self and the self. Both sides of no coin – there is no coin but there are plenty of sides. This makes no sense, but it can’t, it is madness.

While homosexual pedophiles are running the country, the churches, and the schools, people are finally waking up. Evil is rearing its ugly head and the people have become disgusted, or at least the people with soul enough to realize these situations should elicit disgust.

A disgusting, disgraceful world that does not matter, an infantile creation of chaos and energy, the madness seeps through and wallows in its sacrilege. This, too, makes absolutely no sense, although maybe it could if this were not the same universe we inhabit. It most likely is not.

Clouds pass by and I know the truth, they are watching and they are waiting. They take our dreams and they play in the sky. They dance and tell tales, and even light their own fires. To be a cloud would be a fluffy existence. Water is obviously the next scale in human evolution; we’re already mostly made of it. Dolphins and whales have the right idea – they’ve immersed themselves in water even though they’re mammals.

Cleanse yourself. Wash yourself. Water yourself. Grow yourself. Give fruit to yourself. Spread your seed, young plant, beautiful plant. Plant of the Earth, child of the Earth, give wings and give chase. Grow up and look down, spread leaves and leave knowledge. Know this:

There is no meaning.

Marijuana and my world

Marijuana is a unique plant - this much can not be disputed. What other plant is like it? What other plant has so many medicinal uses? What other plant has unique, visible sexes? What other plant can be used so widely in industry? What other plant can bring about spiritual, philosophical, and otherwise higher thinking revelations? What other plant can make you so relaxed? What other plant can enhance everything, make everything look, taste, feel, smell, and sound better? What other plant is so harmless that it not only will it not give you cancer if smoked, but will even prevent it? What other plant can make everything so fresh and new that even the simplest of "inherent" cultural values become the most obscene picture of absurdity ever painted by so-called intelligence?

Indeed, what other plant possess all these qualities? There is no doubt that there are separate plants that could meet most of the qualities of marijuana - psilocybe mushrooms can do many, for example. None, however, contains all of these at once. What kind of strange plant is this? What is its purpose, this plant that grows so fervently and spreads with such zeal that it has been dubbed "weed"? Is it even native to this planet we call home and Earth?

Could it be, perhaps, that marijuana is a complex plant meant to treat a complex problem? For those of you that have any experience with Terrence McKenna and his thoughts on psychedelics, this may sound familiar. Indeed, marijuana is a psychedelic, although not to the magnitude of most psychedelics. It will not produce a trip like psilocybe mushrooms or the peyote cactus or the ayahuasca brew, no, but neither do those psychedelics have the physical healing capacities and industrial uses of cannabis. Marijuana is not especially strong in any one field, indeed it is often thought of as being able to compliment most other psychoactives. What drug is out there that does not go great with cannabis? Scary, terror-filled drugs that are more poison than anything else, and even then one may find marijuana comforting.

Erowid lists cannabis as a, "stimulant, depressant, psychedelic" and as an "intoxicant." It can be all of these things and it can be none of this these things. It can be some of these things, a combination of these things, or a combination of the subsets of these things. Marijuana, in a way, is a metaphor for life. It is the infinity: all energy and life are merely derivatives and subsets within the infinity, all possibilities are traveled and chaos produces the creativity and originality that turns the universal infinite consciousness from a deterministic experiment to the playground of energy. Truly, what else could one call life? It is the playground of energy, of motion, of vibrations and waves, of ups and downs, male and females, good and evil, the bottom and the top of the wave. In the center is the balance, the asexual, the absolute zero, and also the infinity. Infinity is special like that - where it exists, it exists everywhere, for that is its nature. This may seem obvious, but to state something and to actually be able to perceive it are two different things. Can you truly perceive the infinite?

I can, to a degree. I would not be able to do it without cannabis - at least not in the way I am describing. The eyes I see through are the eyes of energy, of chaos, and of love - but at the same time I see through the eyes of complete stillness, of perfect order, and of destructive asymetry. These conflicts rage against each other in only a manner in which waves can battle and copulate, with each further hit taking the next to an exponentially smaller infinity. Indeed, that is what I am doing with marijuana: with each further hit I am becoming exponentially closer to the smallest infinity.

Many people who are spiritual view a higher conciousness as, well, "higher", moving UP, like steps on a pyramid. This highlights a central flaw in the way the whole basic idea is trying to be symbolized: the highest conciousness of infinity is no movement at all - absolute zero. In other words, infinity is also known as nothing - it doesn't exist, but it does in a way in which it is extremely hard to wrap the physical mind around. When one reacts, you are displacing energy and creating more waves and vibrations - moving further away from the absolute. I have to give credit where credit is due - Ate introduced me to this idea: allowing energy (life, chaos, vibrations, etc) to flow around you and not reacting, you gain greater control. The smaller the wave, the more control you have over it. However, one must recognize that duality is present in every situation, especially those regarding duality itself (moderation in moderation). When one achieves total control over everything, you realize that total control is no control at all. The more you try and control something, the less you actually do. The more you just let things be, the more you are letting them be, and thus you are controlling them by optimizing their inherent purpose.

This is the world I see with cannabis, this is the universe that it has shown me, that it takes me to with every inhalation to every exhalation. I am the alpha, and marijuana is the omega. Yahweh - God - His name literally means, "I am what I am" , or in more simple terms, "I am". That is the infinite consciousness, the absolute, the zero, the ultimate vibration of no vibration of all. The only eternal truth, that which is, is, or mathematically, 1 = 1. Descartes famously said, "I think, therefore I am," I would like to point out that if a = b, then b = a, as well. I think = A, I am = B. Not only is it true that all things that are, think, all things that are, think. Yes, that's right, all things are part of the infinite consciousness - that's what infinity is, everything. You are part of it, so show yourself some love, treat everything with respect, and learn true unity. Anything that is matter is energy, and anything that is energy is life - and should be treated with love. Yes, even a rock should be treated with love. Why shouldn't it? Just because it doesn't meet our perceptions of what life is?

Marijuana is alive, and in more ways than one. You would not regard your wise grandpa as a tool, even though he has a purpose to you, would you? If you did, you would be thinking in cold, logical terms that eventually end up contradicting themselves as they are not aligned with the infinite truth. Marijuana is not a tool, although it serves many purposes, marijuana is a companion, another living being with a soul and a purpose and an existence. Every time you strike a flame to it, remember that, and treat it with the respect it deserves, and it will treat you with the respect you deserve and have shown.

I have no more panic attacks while high. I have no anxiety, no paranoia, no bad vibes, bad thoughts, bad feelings, or otherwise. And yes, I get very fucking high. I treat marijuana with love and respect and in return it does the same; it dissolves boundaries and I impart patterns. True patterns are not those that define a set to a limit - true patterns know that there are no limits. With each hit, more boundaries are dropped and less limits are set, more skies are opened. When you have the infinite, anything is possible. When you are the infinite, you are possible. When you stop being high and begin to be high - that is, to be the high, when you for a give-give, love-love relationship, the plant becomes part of you. You return to each other as all things are.

This sounds absurd, but at the core of all absurdity is truth. There are some plants that we share more DNA with than with other animals - why would it be hard to think marijuana is an extension of our souls? No, I take that back, they are not extension, they are our souls, as all things are, as I am you and you are me. I am what I am, you are what I am, and I am what you are. We are the alpha, we are the omega.

I am the up. I am the down. I am the balance, I am the derivative. I am all the shades of grey, all the rainbows and all the fractals. I am every wavelength there is, I exist on all planes and in all dimensions. I live in every place and in every time, in every universe and in every atom.

Marijuana is my world.

Love.

-R

Dolphin society

No doubt.

Nothing To Say

I have nothing to say. It’s quite interesting that I have nothing to say, and in fact the very presence of words on this screen signifies that I do indeed have something to say, it is just waiting to come out. The very idea of nothing is in fact something, although this something is in fact, nothing.

What is nothing? I don’t know, I don’t think questions make sense in the universe. Nothing makes sense in the universe, it’s not supposed to. Why would the universe make sense to humans? We just see things they way we want to, the way we’re bred and brought up to. You can’t put a grid over chaos, it doesn’t work like that. It’s not even chaos, it’s beyond words, language, emotion, sight, color, art, feelings, the universe is so much more than that.

The scale of everything is so large that something, anything at all, pales in comparison to the vast infinity that is the universe. The universe is so large, in fact, that it seems not to exist at all. It’s said that two straight lines eventually meet, and although I don’t know if that’s true or not, it certainly makes sense. Nothing and everything are one in the same, polar opposites are in fact polar twins. Everything comes full circle for there is no circle at all.

Relativity destroys everything, without absolutes you slide into a hole of relative nothingness. There must be a balance between relativity and absolutes, but being human I am still restrained to our strained perceptions of even the most basic concepts of “relativity” and “absolutes”. What is absolute? It’s not something present in nature, it’s something we’ve made up. It doesn’t make sense. Nothing isn’t present in nature, either, how could it be? By it’s very nature nothing doesn’t exist. But none of this matters, this is all just semantics, word play. You can run over words trying to find a meaning, but when you get stuck up on your language you forget your substance, and it all dissolves away into aether.

None of this makes sense. It strives to make sense, I strive to make sense of everything. How can I do this? I can not. How do I know I can not? I don’t even know that. What do I know? Who am I? What am I? What is “I”?

Surely I am not a thing, if there even is such a thing as “thing”, I am a collective. Or maybe I’m not. I’m questioning every basic tenet and facet of life, slowly everything is falling away. I’ve pulled a vital piece away from the master construction, the great veil over our eyes has been dropped like a jenga tower. The iron curtain, a curtain that exists only in our minds.

Everything is gone, embrace nothingness.

Modern Day Monarchists

Modern Day Monarchists

Everyone is told the reason for their countries’ founding as a kid, but how many people really know why the American Colonies decide to tell England to “get lost”? There are many people that would likely be surprised that the conditions under which the revolution took place could easily be the conditions under which we live today! In fact, we even have modern day monarchists-people more loyal to authority than the wellbeing of the people! These people, these loyalists, people that blinding follow without questioning, often will utter the phrase, “Love it or leave it” when their beliefs are questioned. Their line of reasoning seems to follow: “This country gave you your freedom, they can take it away and give it back as they see fit, and you should not complain about it because of…North Korea!”

The economic and social status, and the perception of each, can be likened to contemporary America to the point where it is frightening. Attitudes and the beliefs of the people can also be akin to one another. However, the government today has taken steps to quell thoughts of revolution, and acts quite like the British government, with hints of Imperialism shining through a freedom-loving, democracy-spreading, liberating force.

First of all, there is the issue of Taxation Without Representation. This was one of the biggest strong points of the American Revolution, and it is quite apparent that today, we are being taxed while not being adequately represented. How many people can honestly say that they enjoy the two-party system? How many people can really identify with the millionaires that live in luxury who tell us what to do? The two candidates for the 2004 Presidential election have accumulated more wealth than most of us could dream of ever having-or needing. And then, they have the gall to send us to a very sketchy war!

It is suffice to say there is general low morale in America, not quite the same sense of Independence the colonists acquired from English oversights, but enough of a feeling that it equals the independence in revolutionary worth. Although it does seem with the countries’ division, a Civil War might be more likely than an all out revolution.

One might say, “But our lives are just fine! We have no reason to revolt! We have freedom to a certain extent, we have food, we have jobs! We are not sent to jail for speaking against the government!” I respond back in question, “Does one have to live under Stalin to want change? Must we always be content with the status-quo?”

In fact, the lives the colonists lived were about as adequate as the lives we live now! They were treated very well for that time, showing that one does not have to live in a cesspool to demand change. That is a large reason the founding fathers gave us the Second Amendment, to give the people more power than the government. Guns are nothing to be loved, but they are much more effective when used in threat than in actual usage (this is an ancient Chinese war tactic). The government knows this, and would like to exert their authority over us more, and thus they seek to take away basic rights. Oh, their intentions might be pure, but as the saying goes, “The government which governs least is the best.”

Most of the American Revolution was purely philosophical in nature, with the idea of inalienable human rights which no nation can give or take away. By most logical standards, things like The “Boston Massacre” could hardly be justification for a revolution. However, people had decided that things would be better on their own, without some King governing them from hundreds of miles away.

This brings up my last point, the fact that Monarchies had the same attitude to Democracy that our current “Democracy”[*] has towards certain ideals. And of course, we have the Monarchists who seek to crush any new ideas, because change is scary, and all humans are naturally Xenophobic.

In conclusion, I urge you to follow the precedent of a Revolution that happened in the minds and hearts of the people living in American colonies, and never be content with what you have, for that is when you start to lose it all. There would have been no Stalin if the Russians effectively protested against Lenin’s oppressive regime. Viva la revolution!

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[*] In all actuality it is a Constitutional Republic which acts more like a Plutocracy

All Dead